Tin Man by Sarah Winman- Men's Relationships are hard.

It’s a beautifully sad story. Heartbreaking and brilliant. A small triumph on how tough it is to be a vulnerable man.

This book is a small triumph. It is just 200 pages long but it made me feel all of the emotions, I laughed, I smiled, I was angry and I was sad. Which is probably a good thing as it was lent to me under the pretense that it would make me feel quite emotional. It’s a beautifully sad story. Heartbreaking and brilliant.

A story of two friends who meet as boys, who become men, and who grow apart because life gets in the way, of well, life. It illustrates that relationships are not static, they evolve. They are never finished. You have to put in the work in order to maintain them, and you have to hope the other person does the same.

This was the second book I have read by Sarah in as many months, with Still Life being the other, and at the moment, one of my favorite books of all time. And although the settings, characters, trajectories and time-spans are vastly different, both books come back to a central theme of men needing relationships.

When I say relationships, I do not mean classical relationships between a man and a women. In fact, in Tin Man, that is the easiest relationship explored - the love between a man and a women. When I say relationships, I mean romantic relationships between men, friendships between men that span decades, and friendships that started at different points in life. The beauty of Tin Man is the relationships and the love that the characters have for each other and those around them. Love is what makes this novel beautiful and heartbreaking.

I was moved by this book. By the character’s loneliness, their lack of resignation in the face of despair. By the characters ability to acknowledge how deeply they love their friends. I didn’t get the sense of closure from the ending I was expecting but also felt that it was a great ending nonetheless. Nothing changed but everyone is learning. It’s like therapy I am discovering.

Men, men specifically, must do better in order to be, as uncomfortable as it is to say, happy. If I look around me, and look at the men who seem happiest, I always see the men who have spent a lot of energy fostering healthy relationships with people outside of their immediate partner and maintaining them. Those are the folks that have figured out how important relationships are.

My advice is simple. Read this book. Read it on a beach in the summer. In a bar. In a snowy cabin. While taking cover from the rain. Read it in a place where you are able to feel. Maybe finish it while waiting for a flight to board, like I did. Just give yourself the space and time when you are done to contemplate these beautiful, flawed characters.